Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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