I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
