I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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