Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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