Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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