I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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