Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
