saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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