Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
