PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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