Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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