Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
