fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I will pee on everything he values.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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