There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
