are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
