there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
