I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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