if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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