someone threw a dead crab at me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
