Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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