ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
