Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
