Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
