Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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