I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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