yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
