Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
