i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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