I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
