the condom got lost in my hair
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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