Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
