Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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