you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
