I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
