i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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