My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
