Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
