At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
