Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
