i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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