i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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