im about as happy as oj after his trial
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
