Apparently you make a good broom.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
