its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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