my phone needs a breathalizer
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
