census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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