I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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