So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
