if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
