I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
