just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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